CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Australian trade unions with skin in the fossil fuels game are now calling for salaried retirements, job placements and retraining options, as Labor leader Anthony Albanese announces his party’s hope to achieve net zero carbon emissions by 2050.
However, Labor’s new regional jobs taskforce will not focus on developing a “transition” plan for the 8,000 Australian workers in coal-fired power plants, but will instead look for ways to get the carbon out of the air.
This commitment aims to ensure that any carbon gas pollution is offset by measures which soak up emissions from the atmosphere, like tree-planting initiatives, which our country is now about 40 years behind on because of all the fucking trees we lost to climate change-aided bushfires over summer.
With regeneration looking like a quite big job, Albo has also proposed building giant smoking lounges around every single coal-fired power station in the country.
Popular in South-East Asia and the Arab nations, smoking lounges are heavily ventilated rooms specifically provided and furnished for smoking durries in buildings where smoking is otherwise prohibited.
The tobacco and vape smoke is vacuumed out of the vicinity by air vents and then disposed of out of the airport roof.
Albanese thinks this model could work quite well alongside the Australian fossil fuels sector.
“Deadset” said Albo, during a press conference at the Stanmore Maccas carpark.
“I went to Vietnam a few years back and they just let you punch darts inside, but they get rid of the smoke. I was lovin it haha”
“But yeah, seriously, if we could get the carbon emissions out of the air through a 200 metre tall glass booth that surrounds the plants, and then dispose of the gas through a ventilation system – we’d be able to ham on coal and not worry about our nation lighting on fire every summer”
“Better than anything these blue bloods are putting on the table”
When asked where the carbon emissions would go once it was funnelled out of the lounge, Albanese immediately changed the subject to Latrell Mitchell’s impressive pre-season for the South Sydney Rabbitohs.
