CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
If you don’t know by now, Coronavirus is the worst thing to happen to the world since one million innocent civilians were killed during the Bush-led Iraq war that Australia and the UK also gleefully joined in on.
At this point, we don’t know if COVID-19 worse than the regular flu, but we do know it is quite easy to contract – And its affecting a lot of people in countries that don’t offer the luxury of being able to panic buy 200 rolls of toilet paper in one visit to the shops.
So, aside from locking yourselves in your own home with 3 months worth of toilet paper and pasta, how else can you prevent catching this virus?
1. Wash your hands frequently
Regularly and thoroughly clean your hands with an alcohol-based hand rub or wash them with soap and water.
This is something you should always do, you grubs.
2. Maintain social distancing
Maintain at least 1 metre (3 feet) distance between yourself and anyone who is coughing or sneezing, this is another thing you should always do, you grubs.
3. Avoid touching eyes, nose and mouth
This one is particularly hard. However, if you have a beard, don’t even bother. That thing catches more bugs than your local unmasked and non-unionised 18-year-old driving the Jim’s Termite & Pest Control van.
4. Practice respiratory hygiene
Make sure you, and the people around you, follow good respiratory hygiene. This means covering your mouth and nose with your bent elbow or tissue when you cough or sneeze. Then dispose of the used tissue immediately.
Again, if you aren’t already doing this as part of your day-to-day life, you are a grub.
5. If you have fever, cough and difficulty breathing, seek medical care early
Stay home if you feel unwell. If you have a fever, cough and difficulty breathing, seek medical attention and call in advance. Follow the directions of your local health authority.
Unfortunately, most people working in casual employment don’t have the option to simply stay home. So, unless the government offers emergency stimulus packages for small businesses and Australian workers – that’s probably how this illness will spread.
6. Make sure you only greet other people like you belong to a late-1990s surf gang in South Sydney.
If you are a fan of rugby league, big wave surfing, or the UFC – or if you live in South-East Sydney – you would be familiar with the Bra Boys.
If you don’t fit into either of those categories, the Bra Boys are a gang centred on surf culture, founded and based in Maroubra. The gang has gained notoriety through violence and an assortment of other scallywag behaviour, as well as some community activism and sport.
The group has adopted a loud, slapping, forearm-on-forearm grip handshake as their members-only greeting. It has since been immortalised in their iconic tattoos.
Today Australian Health Minister Greg Hunt has urged all Australians to only use the Bra Boys handshake – in an effort to stop the spread of Coronavirus bacteria.
Joined by two key Bra Boy advisors, former Bulldogs star Reni Maitua and UFC fighter Richie Vas – Hunt has assured the public that his has the group’s assurance that no one will get in trouble for temporarily appropriating their handshake.
“Just slap it up bra” said the Minister.
“Don’t fuck around with this shit”
7. Stay informed and follow advice given by your healthcare provider
Obviously do that too.
