CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A visibly unfit local man has somehow swindled his way into the lucrative world of group fitness, it has been confirmed.
Despite being positioned as the oracle of all the is health and wellbeing, a local group fitness instructor named Kenno actually looks like he could fuck his back or knees up with a few too many burpees.
His employer, Betoota Grove’s premier fitness hotspot 95 Minutes In Ketosis – also known as K95 – appears to be hardly concerned about the fact he could end up seriously injured if he continues to recklessly swing kettle bells with poor form.
The gym’s millionaire owner, Hugh Jacashcow (66) says that Kenno’s almost manic positivity is more than enough to keep numbers up.
“Yes, he’s probably a bit unrefined in the way he instructs our clients. And yes he probably keeps the diet like a stoned teenager…” says Mr Jacashcow
“But ignoring his wildly unhealthy lifestyle, and seemingly unpenetrable waistline, he is one of the best high-fivers in this town”
Kenno, a former audio engineer who fell in love with the cult of group fitness after losing 35 kilos in 4 weeks through a fucking dangerous diet plan and training regime at a since-defunct competitor, says fitness isn’t always about looking fit.
“As long as you continue lifting bigger weights and wake up exhausted every day, you are getting the job done!” he said, before breaking into a Tik Tok dance routine.
“Follows on Insta”
Our interview with Kenno eventually trailed off as he refused to stop dabbing.
