ALISON SCHENK | Entertainment | Contact
THE QUEEN IS SPEAKING: In perhaps the most anticipated memoir release since the gingernut prince, Queen of Pop and angel on earth Britney Spears’ new memoir ‘The Woman in Me’ has hit shelves across the globe this week to an unprecedented response.
The memoir details the both beautiful and horrific life of Britney Spears so far, and fans are calling it “the tell-all we desperately needed”.
After overcoming the trauma of being imprisoned for over 13 years by those who were meant to protect her, overcoming the relentless and inhumane treatment by the media and public for her entire life, overcoming a relationship with a man who earnestly said out loud ‘fo shiz fo shiz Ginuwine’ one time, overcoming a cruel divorce and custody battle with a man who looks like the cartoon version of the broke boyfriend everyone straight woman has had, and overcoming a set of self-serving parents who treated her as a commodity, Miss Spears has now broken a world record for writing the first book to contain over 80% emojis.
For years fans, Professors, Symbologists and Anthropologists alike have attempted to decipher and decode Britney’s emoji-use on the social media platform, Instagram.
However, Britney appears to have graduated from just peppering her captions with hearts, roses and cheeky monkeys, and has now filled over 80% of her memoir with the complex language.
With a precision and dedication normally reserved for interpreting ancient writings like Hieroglyphics, it is reported that experts are currently working around the clock to crack the code hidden in the memoir, in the hope that amongst the sea of symbols they might find an answer to why that double denim ever happened.
Either way, it was probably JT’s fault. As were a lot of things – we are starting to learn. 👀 👀 👀 👀
MORE TO COME.
