CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
There won’t be any bloody Christmas at this rate.
That’s what a local Betoota Heights dad has come to terms with.
56-year-old Safety and Systems manager, Mal Belcher is hosting Christmas for his wife’s side of the family this year. His mother and sister will also be joining.
That’s close to 15 people that will be in and out of his house for four days. Some will be staying in the house.
As of this afternoon, he currently has 11 days until the relos start arriving by the Hyundai Santa Fe-load.
But there’s no guarantee Christmas is actually happening this year.
It’s not because of the cost-of-living crisis. Dad’s never really cared about giving or receiving presents. At all. In fact, he doesn’t even know the contents of those wrapped gifts currently sitting under the Christmas tree that are marked ‘From Dad’.
It’s not because of the weather, either. The forecast looks perfect for backyard cricket and barbecuing.
It’s not because he doesn’t want it to happen. As a stoic middle class Australian man who craves logistics and order, there is honestly nothing more that Mal wants to do then to spend a week cooking, cleaning up, mowing lawns, and drinking mid-strength. It’s a challenge and one that he’s up for. In between watching his wife’s brothers make fools of themselves, which will also be humorous.
But there’s a lot that needs to happen before then. Otherwise Christmas won’t be happening.
Namely, he needs to get cracking on this timber deck that he impulsively decided to start building two weeks ago.
His wife does not seem to share this urgency, which is bordering on panic.
As for the actual construction, it’s all nearly in place. He’s just got to secure the guard rails, to make sure it complies with the DA that he never applied for because it’s not visible from the street.
But building this obscure timber extension that hangs off a rarely visited part of the house is just the start.
“It’s gonna need a couple coats of varnish” he says.
“And sure it won’t be raining on Christmas, but a couple showers between now and then will seriously blow out the timelines”
“See the thin coats easily throw off solvent and typically dry tack-free within 24 hours. The thicker the coating, the more solvent is trapped and the longer it stays tacky”
“I want two thick coats. That’s what we are going to need in this climate. And I want it set at least 72 hours before Nanna arrives”
“Fuck I’ve really gotta get cracking”
