LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
The socially distant streets of Sydney are alive with a beat that hasn’t been heard since Mark Latham was considered a leftie.
That’s right, the harbour capital of New South Boomerstan is bracing for the dulcet tones of full blown Delta-Mania for the first time since 2003.
“A cure is almost here” stated NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian who appeared to have grown her hair out with a strawberry blonde tint in a possible case of mistaken identity.
“This contagious strain is not predictable and has really hit us out of the blue.”
Known to be one of the more contagious strains, the Delta variant seems to be inspiring the infected to launch a post-soapie music career on the back of emotional piano ballads and the belief that they could actually be the next Australian sweetheart even if it’s just for a year.
At the time of writing, NSW has recorded 18 new local cases, 19 total new cases and 2,938 new grand pianos purchased.
Although citizens of NSW are understandably concerned by the rapid spread of powerful early noughties female vocal performances, Premier Berejiklian is instructing people not to panic and look at the figures with innocent eyes.
“I have all faith that we will overcome this.”
“As a state, New South Wales was born to try.”
MORE TO COME.
