MARIO STRADLATER | Global | Contact
After a string of unsuccessful hinge dates, and a disastrous experience on the illuminati dating platform Raya, it appears the recently single ‘Roo’ Murdoch has called in the big guns.
Put simply, he has decided to start utilising his global media empire to push the earth’s climate towards it’s irreversible tipping point, only to ensure that hot girl summer lasts forever.
Rumours have been circling within NewsCorp, that recently rebranded ‘Fuckboy’ had created a special ops program team to brainstorm ‘Operation Hot Girl Summer 4Ever.’
Reports indicate that late last week, the 92-year-old’ official ‘conch’ was sounded, and the usual bootlicking propagandists assembled. Namely, Andrew Bolt, Peta Credlin, Paul Murray and Chris Kenny.
A leak has also confirmed that early meetings were unsuccessful.
“Roo was just sitting in the corner, puffing on his vape the whole time.” said one intern.
“He asked me if I could contact ‘that skinny white boy with the big d*ck’… It took me a while to know who he was talking about, but it was Pete Davidson.”
“‘Whatever that guy is doing, we need it here,’ roared Murdoch.
“Then we got stuck talking about magnets and shifting the earths polarity. Everyone was unsure how to tell him that hot girl summer was more of a concept than related to the actual temperature.”
But it appears he has found an even stronger device than Davidson’s rizz, with his empire ramping up it’s already off-kilter climate change denialism.
One Murdoch intern working on the project offered comment:
“My usual job is to get the coffees, which I’m happy with, but now they’ve got me on Operation Hot Girl Summer 4ever.”
“Some of the other interns have been put on some more interesting projects. Like Cynthia was asked to photoshop photos of Murdoch’s head onto Johnny Sins body for operation ‘Dick Pic’.”
“They’ve got me working round the clock coming up with David Attenborough hit pieces for Tik Tok. I had to show Big Andy [Andrew Bolt] how to use the Chinese-owned platform. It was hell.”
However, it seems that with the wheels already in place to control narratives that risk destroying our planet to satisfy the greed of a select few multi-billionaire fossil fuels barons, the Murdoch media haven’t had to do much to ensure that women keep wearing bikinis and drinking aperol well into the winter months.
“We basically had the template for Operation Hot Girl Summer” said the intern.
“Now we’ve just got to quietly backpedal on all of the ‘traditional family’ hysteria.
“Roo knows he’s not gonna wife these baddies”
