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Local gay, Bazza, is probably still going to keep rooting other blokes, even if former Prime Minister Tony Abbott and his Christian lobbyists have managed to wrangle enough of the population to vote No towards same-sex marriage.
The 31-year-old accountant says that even though the Christians had hoped a majority no vote would automatically invalidate his sexual orientation, he still doesn’t think he’ll find women attractive after all of this.
“Yeah… Summers coming up. I’m looking pretty good…” he says.
“Like, I could probably pick up a girl if I wanted, but I don’t think anything will change”
“I know that might make me sound politically incorrect, but you are just into what you are into, I guess”
This news brings a bizarre twist to what the Catholic Church had expected to happen, if the no vote were to get up.
“What. This isn’t what was meant to happen” says the alleged child sex offender and highest-ranking Catholic leader in Australia, George Pell.
“These people were supposed to just follow the rest of us. They can’t keep living in sin”
In the conservative boat shoe caliphate of Sydney, Tony Abbott is reportedly ropeable upon learning that his sister will continue to live in a same-sex relationship with the love of her life who just happens to be a women, like her.
“She’s such an attention seeker. I blame her and all her mates for me getting shafted by Turnbull” he said.
“Wait, that sounds gay. I meant to say replaced”
Look for Cory Bernardi’s quote on the hacking of Pyne’s twttr account.