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The Australian Government is deeply concerned about the wellbeing of young Australians.

The fact that the average glass of vodka lemonade costs just short of an hours wage, or that Australia’s nightlife is increasingly geared towards medium priced dining for old people, is not relevant.

Because the government is taking action to increase their quality of life.

That’s why they are introducing age limits for social media, and banning gambling ads from television.

This is a distinctly different approach from governments of years past, who were more concerned about prioritising the concerns of older Australians with shifting tax brackets and property investment loopholes.

But those days are over. Australia is now a country that values the youth.

And it’s about time – after all the sacrifices they made during the pandemic. Not since the world wars have teenagers been asked to selflessly give up their youth to protect the nation.

While Gen-Z didn’t have to duck bullets or starve in Japanese POW camps, the lockdown era imposed upon them a loss of innocence that the baby boomers who came after the Vietnam war can never understand. As much as they like to say that life wasn’t easy for them with free university at the height of Australian pub rock.

But despite the government’s new proactive approach to championing the youth, there seems that there has been unforeseen repercussions by forcing teenagers to miss life’s most memorable social milestones and spend their most formative years indoors.

Namely, the youth crime that has flourished after crucial services were cut off from the nation’s most dysfunctional households for three years.

Or the spike in vulnerable young men falling into the Andrew Tate-style online rabbit holes.

But a ban on social media will fix all of this. As will the ban on gambling ads that Australia’s last remnants of ubiquitous mainstream media depends on to survive.

It is not yet clear what these kids will do in a brave, new, offline world where sharehouses cost $500 per week per roommate – and universities are moving online to maximise the amount of international students they can squeeze for inflated fees.

They can always go on a road trip. All they need to do is drop $500 on a couple tanks of fuel and they can visit Byron Bay to see how all the rich Melbourne families are enjoying their peaceful sea-change now that music festivals no longer exist.

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