CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A recent report by a source that no one is going to fact-check has today found the biggest public health risk posed by the 5G network is it’s blisteringly fast download speeds — which promise up to 1 gigabyte per second.
Medical experts based in the bedrooms of teenagers in Macedonia and Crimea claims that, on top of everything already reported about 5G, the public should be very worried about fucking morons being given faster access to online conspiracy theories.
This comes as people with not much else to worry about have begin protesting against the 5G network, with claims that poses risks including brain cancer, infertility, autism, heart tumours and Alzheimer’s disease.
Some of the more committed fucking morons have suggested it in a mind control tool and a military weapon being used against the people by telecommunications companies that they also criticise for providing poor service to their squatter residencies in the Northern Rivers hinterland.
In Mullumbimby, groups of local nutcases have temporarily halted construction of a 5G installation, and are calling for reinforcements from the internet to help maintain their action throughout the day.
The affected Telstra workers on the scene have been provided with face masks and hand sanitiser to protect themselves from the unvaccinated pseudoscientists who still think Kerry Packer is not only alive, but also the evil villain behind this oppressive mind control tool.
Government officials have been asked for comment on this vortex of anti-expert stupidity but say that they are kind of bit busy with the bushfires and severe respiratory illnesses that 5G is apparently responsible for
