CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has today made waves through Bondi, after his unannounced appearance at the Eastern Suburbs pre-bolling booths.
The ousted Liberal appeared to be in high spirits as he strutted into the local town hall, dressed head to toe in teal linen.
Witnesses say it was like a scene out of HBO’s The Wire, as Turnbull whistled the tune of ‘The Farmer In The Dell’ like the iconic TV anti-hero Omar Little.
Standing at the booth in the heart of what was once the electorate that he represented in Canberra, the former Member for Wentworth took great pleasure in thinking out loud – while in clear earshot of the local Liberal party campaigners.
“Hmmmmmmm!!!” said Turnbull.
“Who to vote for?!”
“This is such a difficult decision!!”
Onlookers giggled, as their fallen angel continued his overly-dramatic act.
“I mean, Dave Sharma is such a promising talent. I mean, apart from the fact that he doesn’t even have a PORTFOLIO!”
“Unlike our last Liberal MP, who was not only the Member for Wentworth… But also THE PRIME MINISTER”
“But, I spose he’s only been in for one term. And there’s a lot of talent ahead of him”
The Liberal volunteers hung their head in shame, as the man that was once their messiah began rattling off the Prime Minister’s closest allies.
“Like, for example, Peter Dutton. The former Queensland highway cop who is somehow worth $300 million dollars”
“Or, you know, Stuart Robert MP, that bloke who decided to use a robot to falsely accuse our most vulnerable of welfare fraud, forcing them to pay back thousands of dollars they didn’t even owe in the first place. I mean, some of them even killed themselves over it. The Liberals must’ve been so proud him getting those peasants off the books”
“And then of course, we’ve got Barnaby Joyce, the leader of a party that gets less votes than the Greens but still has the power to vote down any climate commitments because Scott Morrison cannot stay in power without forming a coalition with him”
“Not to mention Scotty himself. You know… He grew up just down the road here in Bronte. I’m not sure when he decided to start supporting rugby league and changed his accent to sound like a Kath and Kim character… But I can tell you, he had much more rounded vowels when he was begging me to support his pre-selection in 2007”
Turnbull paused as he looked at the ballot.
“Oh what’s this?”
“An Independent candidate that supports conservative economic policies but action on climate change”
“Oh what? Her name is Allegra Spender.. is that the daughter of former Liberal MP John Spender and beloved Eastern Suburbs fashion designer Carla Zampatti…?”
“Isn’t Allegra a highly respected business figure in her own right, and also supports a Federal ICAC?”
“You’re telling me I can just vote for her, instead of this parachuted backbencher Dave Sharma..?”
“HMMMMMM…. This is a tough one”
“[Hysterical Eastern Suburbs laughter]”
