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With the Liberals now strategically keeping Scotty away from any of their blue ribbon seats that are threatened by Independents, there are very few Liberal Party heavyweights left in this government that could possibly join Dave Sharma, Trent Zimmerman, Josh Frydenberg, Tim Wilson or Jason Fallinski in their desperate campaigning.
Polls are showing that the Liberal Party may lose all of these seats this election, as some of their once safest voters revolt against what they believe to be a corrupt and financially reckless Prime Minister.
As the talent continues to thin out at the top of the Coalition government due to allegations of sex crimes and sudden resignations, there is no one left to champion the Liberal Party except for a couple of retired former politicians.
While Channel 9 Chairman Peter Costello didn’t see any conflict of interest by blatantly campaigning with Frydenberg in Kooyong over the weekend to show his support, there has also been appearances by the eloquent blue blood Alexander Downer.
However, no one has worked harder than former Prime Minister John Howard.
At 83-years of age, Howard has done more work this week than the current Prime Minister – although that isn’t a very high bar to meet given Scotty’s habit of disappearing in the face of a bit of hard yakka.
While the former PM has made it clear he worries that his once proud party is at risk of being invaded by Independents like some sort of oil-rich Middle Eastern nation, his borderline-manic commitment to campaigning has led many to ask if everything is alright at home.
As a man whose entire life is currently subsidised by the tax-payer, John Howard is reportedly terrified that on top of his federally funded pension, office, personal driver and overseas travel – there is the possibility that he might end up in one of those federally funded aged care homes as well.
The Royal Commission into Aged Care revealed stomach-churning findings about how government has allowed mistreatment and neglect. 9 years of Liberal governments have cut more than $9.8 billion per year from the aged care budget, leaving a vast number of our elderly to die prematurely on a diet of powdered mashed potato and infected bed sores.
It is for this reason that John Howard has made a point of helping as much as he can in the Liberal’s re-election campaign, to prove to not only the party, but also society that old codgers like him have a lot to offer – and deserve better than to die alone wrapped by dirty sheets in an aged care home so understaffed that his stiff corpse isn’t discovered for two days.
“Please don’t put me in one of those homes” he begged the media today, on the verge of tears, while Scott Morrison smiled next to him and gave a thumbs up to the camera.
“I’d rather an Albanese government than to end up malnourished and forgotten in one of those musty old detention centes”
Mr Morrison appeared deaf to Howard’s comments.
“Haha. How good’s having Johnny on the trail with us” said the PM.
“He’s my favourite old person!”
