CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Anthony Albanese’s embarrassing cash rate gaffe appears to be a distant memory in the 2022 Federal Election campaign, after news broke that the Morrison Government were too busy vilifying transgender people to realise that China had formed a security pact with the Solomon Islands.
On top of this, the Liberal Party appears to be haemorrhaging votes from their moderate base to climate-centric Independents in the once blue ribbon seats – a trend that is only gonna to be accelerated by the interest rate rising next week.
It seems the best thing for the Opposition was to have their leader locked away in isolation for a week, giving Morrison enough spotlight to continually bury himself at every press conference.
Even Murdoch and Channel 9 have been forced to give Albanese a rest this week, as our country’s record-breaking debt and catastrophic national security failings reluctantly bubble through the forcefield of the Australian media’s blatant Liberal Party protection racket.
However, even with the campaign looking like it’s getting away from Scotty From Marketing – there is still 4 weeks left until Australians go to the ballot, and the detached inner-city elites that make up the Labor Party’s campaign teams are definitely capable of destroying their own chances before then.
One Newtown-based Young Labor prodigy, who is really getting ahead of himself, spoke to the Betoota Advocate earlier via a phone call out the back of a FODMAP cafe in his home electorate of Sydney’s entitlement belt.
“We just need those bogans in the Hunter and central Queensland to shut the fuck up” says Bernie Onkgray, a 34-year-old cryptotrader who fell in love with Labor when he saw Kevin Rudd make a funny joke on ROVE in 2007.
“I’m sick of trying to appeal to these people”
“I was hoping this year that the Labor Party could cut loose the dead wood from these bogan rural electorates. But I spose we have to rely on their votes for now! Haha yay go coal mining”
In Bernie’s ideal world, HIS Labor Party would be coming to this election with a weird fusion of Greens social policies and Malcolm Turnbull’s never-enacted energy policies… not this tired old school version of left-wing that is aimed around making sure people don’t die at work.
Known colloquially as the ‘No Socks Chino Crowd’ – Bernie and his friends represents the beating heart of Labor’s growing faction of neoliberal inner-city elites who were raised by Liberal Voters that have left them enough money to comfortably identify as ‘progressive’
He says this election rests on one thing. If the uneducated rusted on Labor voters can just shut the fuck up and accept that he knows what’s best for them.
“It’s like, umm, yeah. Sure you can vote for Clive. But your life is only gonna get worse. And to be honest, if that’s how you vote, you deserve for your life to get worse”
“Now just shut up and let us do the talking you silly unwashed hicks”
“It’s really important for the movement”
