Ipswich Not As White As Pauline Remembers It Being

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

One Nation senator Pauline Hanson’s political comeback has sent shockwaves through the Australian suburbs today, following her maiden speech to the Australian federal senate last year.

Throughout her address, the 62-year-old former Ipswich fish and chip shop attendant said that Australia is at risk of being “swamped by Muslims”.

“[Muslims] bear a culture and ideology that is incompatible with our own,” she said, in the ten-minute address that drew almost exact parallels to her maiden speech in the lower house twenty years ago – only this time around she simply replaced Aboriginals and Asians with Muslims.

However, back in her hometown of Ipswich, Qld, local residents have made a point of telling the media that they don’t share Pauline Hanson’s hysterical fear of the Islamic faith.

Local plasterer, Vai Terepo (33), says that he thinks Pauline might not be as in touch with her hometown as she thinks she is.

“Fuck she talking about,” he says, as he exhales marijuana smoke.

“I’m not scared of Muslims. I’m not scared of shit,”

Situated on the Bremer river in South-East Queensland, Ipswich is approximately 40 kilometres west of the Brisbane CBD. The city is renowned for its architectural, natural and cultural heritage – as well as their booming inland population, which currently sits at around 190,000.

However, as Vai’s heavily tattooed cousin Braith points out, the area has changed drastically since she was working as a deep fryer jockey in the family fish and chip shop – and it’s got nothing to do with Asians, Aboriginals or Muslims.

“Pauline hasn’t visited the 4305 in a while, uce,”

“If she thinks this is the type of place where young mothers walk the streets in summer dresses. She’s got no clue,”

“This is the fuckin’ badlands. Even the palagis (white people) know how to throw hands. And we aren’t worried about Muslims walking our streets, unless they are wearing badges,”

Another Ipswich resident, Deng, says that Hanson’s claims of “indiscriminate immigration and aggressive multiculturalism” causing crime to escalate and social cohesion to decline are false.

He said the real issue is that they still have asbestos in their primary classrooms and the coal mining in the Western Corridor that has resulted in the ground literally falling out from underneath residents in the shape of dangerous sinkholes.

“Pauline says too many Australians were now afraid to walk alone in their neighbourhoods at night. That’s because the cunt can fall out from underneath you – not because of some bloke in a turban,”

“Muslims aren’t a concern in the ‘swich, bra. Neither are Asians. The only people who voted for Pauline are the ones who live in boring white suburbs. We couldn’t give a fuck,”

Deng, who refuses to tell us his age, last name or occupation, says he can see why she’s so disillusioned with the town.

“I went into the pen when she was in the lower house and, yeah, I only just got out,”

“The place has changed, bra. I agree with that. But if you think it’s the Muslims that are creating trouble out here, you aren’t down with the street.”

“You got more chance of dying at the hands of a drunk truckie on the M7 than over some crazy cunt’s religion,”

“God left this place a long time ago, bra”