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Similar to the time our Prime Minister holidayed in Hawaii for 12 days during unprecedented Summer bushfires before Christmas, Australians have once again become the laughing stock of world news.
The relentless storming of supermarkets to stock up on the most obscure household items possible has been ridiculed right around the world. From sleeping bags, to toilet paper to high-end spiral pasta.
However, the panic buying is not just unique to Australia.
Singapore, Japan and Hong Kong have had it too, though not on the same scale we have seen since the first Australian died of COVID-19 in Australia last week.
Since then, we have seen footage of full blown punch ons over toilet rolls in Bankstown Woolies. In Tamworth, police had to taser a panicking shopper accused of throttling another customer and grabbing for an officer’s gun. In Casula, Costco used crowd control around a newly arrived pallet.
While Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has done little to stem the hysteria, in a hope it might stave off the imminent recession by and stimulate the economy by pouring money into the hands of our nation’s two major wage-stealing supermarket giants, the leader of Australia’s opposition’s opposition has done his best to quell the nation’s fears.
Greens MP Adam Bandt has today attempted to shut down the hysteria surrounding Australia’s toilet paper and non-perishables shortage.
By trying his best to redirect the panic buying towards renewable energy infrastructure.
“Hey this toilet paper thing is crazzzy” he told the Canberra Press Gallery earlier today.
“But, like, I’ve heard people aren’t just freaking out about toilet paper. Apparently they are just clearing the shelves when it comes to solar panels too”
Bandt, who has tried for ten years to encourage consecutive Australian governments to consider energy options outside of the earth-destroying fossil fuels sector that pays kickbacks to a large portion of backbenchers from both major parties, appears to have found a way to encourage investment in some of the renewable alternatives that might actually come in handy when the black outs start happening because this zombie virus has killed every single member of the non-unionised workforce slaving over Australia’s privatised electricity grids.
“Yeah” he says with a straight face.
“Straight up”
“People are deadset stockpiling solar panels bruh”
“Get in there. Don’t miss out. Get in quick”
When asked where he heard this, Bandt gave a Barnaby-esque response in response to not having a response.
“I can’t remember who told me, but apparently they are running out. I’d hurry if I was you.”
“Just plonk them on the roof and you might even get paid with a decent credits rebate. Weird hey. It’s just been sitting there all this time”
