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King Charles III and Queen Camilla will be in Australia this week — their first visit here since taking the throne.
Their visit coincides with the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting, which is being held in the Samoan capital Apia.
However, given this will not be much of a visit – as the British Monarch reveals he’s only here for one reason.
To get his hands on some Oasis tickets.
It seems the excitement surrounding the reunion tour of the Manchester rock band was such that not even the King Of England could lock in any tickets to any of their UK or Ireland dates.
After waiting for hours on the online portal, the King was more than willing to spend a Buckingham Palace guard’s yearly salary on the exploitative dynamic pricing system.
With a new Melbourne date added for the Australian leg of the tour, King Charles decided he wasn’t going to muck around. He immediately boarded the Royal private jet and made his way to the Antipodean Commonwealth nation.
It is believed that Australian Prime Minister Albanese has also been keeping an ear out for any scalpers, in the off chance that King Charles can’t even secure tickets to any of the Aussie gigs.
The King’s newfound love of Northern rock music comes as part of his Geezer rebrand, which will help him fit in amongst his fellow countrymen while visiting the beaches of Australia.
King Charles, or King Chaz as he is now known, will arrive in Sydney with the missus tomorrow. This comes after His Majesty stopped over in Türkiye to receive a set of ice-white veneers.
It is customary for Englishmen coming to Australia to come with a high fade haircut and fake teeth. This phenomena is now part and parcel with the English-Australian identity, to the point where Poms have overtaken the Polynesian community when it comes to having the freshest fades.
Many also come with either a fake tan or a tan acquired through acute exposure to ultraviolet radiation. This is a short-lived vanity, because most end up almost purple with sunburn within minutes of arriving at Bondi Beach.
