CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
As the nation heads out in droves to the pre-polls, Australian voters are now finally given the choice between two options. Scott Morrison and lower taxes, or Anthony Albanese with similar taxes but more gaffes.
More than 3 million votes have already been cast over the last week, in a record breaking number of pre-poll voters getting in early for what you can only imagine is a huge number of boomers who hate crowds after two years of lockdowns.
With more than 16 million votes Australian eligible to vote in this election, volunteers from both sides of the political spectrum are out in force today.
Thousands of portly incels and 4th-year corporate law students are working their hardest to convince undecided voters to join the ScoMo train. While the bureaucratic non-union-affiliated-vaguely-progressive-political animals from Young Labor are out spruiking Albo’s policies for buying a house or some shit.
“Albo will make it easier for first-home-buyers to get into the market” says one Labor campaigner, Sally Bland, who is wearing 3% of a home deposit on her feet at the moment.
“And he’ll also increase the minimum wage I think. That’s what Dad said”
“Vote Labor to help the workers, and the middle-Australians who are wealthy enough to consider investing in the property market but not rich enough to have private health care!” she shouts, in last minute policy pitch.
“And corporate creative millennials like me who can’t commit to the Greens”
