TRACEY BENDINGER | Weekend | CONTACT
A hungover woman’s patience has been pushed to the limits today by a common kitchen appliance. Kaylah Swan’s (27) left over pasta proved too much for her this morning, stopping her microwave’s reheating process with just four seconds to go.
“It wasn’t just four seconds, it was an eternity”
“I’d been watching it since 1:30, I couldn’t take it anymore!”
“It was like time slowed down and was just taking the piss.”
The Advocate reached out to microwave manufacturer, Kenwood, to see whether or not their microwaves were faulty or if Kaylah’s pickled brain was just playing tricks on her.
“Ah, no. Our microwaves don’t slow down time, they count time as per the Babylonians sexagesimals counting system.” Said Brison Ward, head of consumer complaints at Kenwood.
“If Ms. Swan believes she has a technical issue with her microwave then she is more than welcome to file a product fault form.”
The Advocate reached back out to Kaylah to relay Brison’s advice, however we were unable to reach her phone directly. According to her housemate, who answered her phone, Kaylah had her head buried in the toilet vomiting up the pasta she just limped through reheating.
Although not yet confirmed, and denied by Kenwood, there are rumours floating around that Kenwood microwaves can sense a person’s desperation and actually slow down if desperation rises above a certain level. This is all purely speculation at the moment, however, we are looking into the matter.
More to come.
