CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A spoonful of cod liver oil under the tongue is the newest woo woo to brace the Colby household in Betoota Heights this week.
This comes as local dad Devan Colby keeps adding to his artillery of extracts and oils that are supposedly aimed at giving him more energy and a more regular toilet schedule.
The extremely fishy concoction joins his daily multivitamin, ginger and lemon infused water, olive leaf extract and the lukewarm bran-soaked water that washes down his outrageous aloe vera puree each morning.
While he talks proudly about the many benefits that come from his pre-breakfast routine, it’s not lost on anybody that the motivating factor is that mum wants to him to minimise the amount of time spent on the throne each morning.
Without even a his phone or a newspaper to keep him company, Devan is more than capable of clocking up over 45 minutes while trying to strangle one out. This rules the shared bathroom out of action for everyone else in the family, during the crucial morning rush.
As someone who detests ‘hippy shit’ – Devan is intent on categorising all of this stuff as completely different to naturopathy, and instead comes from the allied medicine recognised specialisation known as ‘old man wisdom’.
However, despite of his facts and talking point, the Colby family knows very that none of this will do anything to keep Dad regular.
Not while he refuses to change his diet in any way, shape or form.
With steak and eggs playing the role of both lunch, breakfast and dinner for multiple sittings of the week – as well as hearty intake of various forms of potato – there ain’t no amount of essences and oils to are going to streamline his morning bogs.
The family knows that while Devan is determined to not alter his diet whatsoever, the quickest way to induce a bit more bowel movement would be for him to add some milk into his morning coffee and take up smoking again.
However, Dad reckons what he really needs is to start applying Vicks vapor rub to his armpits and the arch of his feet.
“That’ll get things moving I reckon” he says.
