Michael Stevens, 37, has never been a big believer in washing your hands in public bathrooms, claiming the whole process is time-consuming and laborious and, in many cases, completely unnecessary.
“Honestly, it’s just such an effort”, said Mr. Stevens. “Its like, first you have to go all the way to the sink, and then go all the way to the dryer, and then, you have to go all the way to the door. I mean, I have things to do!”
“But people are so judgemental these days. They’re always saying things like “on my god, that’s disgusting” and “please don’t touch the customer’s food with those hands” and stuff like that. Complete drama queens”
Despite the strength of his convictions, however, Mr. Stevens found himself being forced to spend the 11 extra seconds it takes to wash his hands after a young man walked in just as he was about to leave.
“He started giving me this judgemental look” recalls Mr.Stevens. ” He didn’t say anything, but I could tell he was thinking ‘why is my waiter not washing his hands after taking a shit?'”
“I had no choice but to say “Oh!” loudly and very animatedly act like I had completely forgotten to wash my hands. Luckily, I’m pretty sure he bought it”
“It was an absolute nightmare” continues Mr. Stevens. “At one point, I tried to get some soap out of the soap dispenser but nothing was coming out, so then I pushed harder and all of a sudden, there was LOADS of soap, way too much for my hands”
Mr. Stevens says he is tired of society dictating to him how he should live his life, and discriminating against him on the basis of something he can’t control, his basic personal hygiene.
“Honestly, we’re the ignored minority here. I mean, where does it end? What’s next, now I can’t pick my nose while I’m serving food? Are they going to force me to take a shower every month? It’s a fucking disgrace
Such men are so pure, they have no germs.
Unfortunately, as the saying goes, “Only the impotent are pure”.