CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A man that cannot stomach a night out in a suburb more than 15 minutes away from his preferred pub, has today revealed that he’s the type of guy that would enjoy battling the elements with nothing more than strings, pegs and tarps.
29-year-old Richard Bone (Betoota Grove) is a great quality bloke… In small doses – and when he’s not under the slightest form of pressure.
As a well-paid white collar with a seemingly safe ’email job’ and zero dependents with his on-again/off-again girlfriend, life is pretty cruisy for Richard. So cruisy in fact that he has today claimed that he reckons a weekend in the great outdoors could add some spice to his life.
The fact that Richard immediately stopped playing any form of organised sport after school, and has not ever travelled anywhere without hardside luggage, suggests he is simply is not suited to this form of recreation.
However, with the success of survivalist reality shows like ‘Alone’ and the popular renaissance of country music – Richard has convinced himself that he too would enjoy sitting round a campfire on a fold-out chair.
While drinking a buttery glass of white wine this afternoon (he doesn’t like beer), Richard declares to the entire party of his late-20s and early-30s friends that he is frustrated that nobody is as keen as he is to go camping.
“We’ve all been on like four” says his close mate, Ted.
Richard refuses to believe this, claiming he was probably excluded from all plans because people underestimate his eagerness to tackle the harsh terrains of Australia’s national parks.
His other mates pipe up.
“You were invited to all of them.” says Sally.
“The kayaking trip you had gastro. The hiking trip you had a bad knee.”
Richard sneers. They keep rattling off his excuses.
“The skiing trip was the best” says Bo.
“When you said you had a collapsed lung from vaping”
“Oh yeah and the Moreton Island trip. When you said you were banned from the Queensland barges because of demerit points”
Richard detests this lack of belief in his true outdoorsmanship and his natural instinct around wild animals, before the conversation is promptly tied up by his on-again/off-again girlfriend.
“You returned our dog after the pandemic. You said it was suffering agrophobia and needed to be around other twenty other dogs”
“And the only place that could offer that was a greyhound track or the kennel”
