Mike Baird Proposes A Lock-Out On Charity Events After Post-Fundraiser Brawl

15 March, 2016. 15:15

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

NEW SOUTH WALES Premier Mike Baird has proposed an indefinite lock-out on charity fundraisers after a series of fundraiser-related brawls irritated influential property owners throughout Sydney’s CBD in the early hours of Sunday morning.

“It’s not looking like a permanent thing, we’ll reassess the figures in two premiers time,” said Mike Baird, speaking to media from his distant electoral office in the predominantly-white upper class suburb of Manly Beach.

“We thought we had hit the nail on the head by crushing our entire city’s nightlife precinct and hospitality industry. Turns out the real cause for non-western suburbs violence was actually these out of control fundraisers,”

ABOVE: Cops come down hard on out of control fundraisers in Darlinghurst

The ‘social media Premier’ told reporters this morning that when it comes to fundraiser-related-one-punch-coward-punch-attacks, the state government was doing all they could to not only protect young men from themselves, but to also drive up the property value in the sleepy streets of Sydney CBD.

“The last thing we need is a bunch of Australian youths drinking and fighting. Especially after the eight hours of alcohol advertisements and full contact sport our city hosted this weekend”

“It’s not good for them, and its not good for the locals who bought property here under the provision that we would clean up all this westie scum,”

At the time the fights started, it is believed a concert raising money for cyclone-devastated Fiji had just ended and crowds spilled onto the streets.

Police initially said that “probs like a thousand” people were involved in the brawls, but later dramatically reduced that figure to 30 people.

It capped off a violent weekend in the city centre which saw, in separate incidents, a group of women attacked at a hen’s night and a man hospitalised after an assault.

Mike Baird has also not ruled out banning hen’s nights as well, just until “we can get these assaults under control”.