CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The poor, poor man that has inherited the roaring binfire known as the Victorian Liberal Party has realised that being threatened with legal action from an anti-trans former colleague – that he suspended for attending a Nazi rally in the middle of Melbourne’s CBD – probably isn’t as bad as it’s gonna get.
The newly crowned Leader of the Victorian Opposition, John Pesutto, has today been given a pretty concerning insight into just how deranged his own party room is.
As the closest thing that the Victorian Liberals have to a ‘moderate’ since Josh Frydenberg lost his Federal seat to the Teal wave, John Pesutto had previously held the state division of Hawthorne from 2014 until he was voted out during the 2018 ‘Danslide’.
However, for Lord knows what reason, the 52-year-old decided to re-enter state politics and win his seat back in the November 2022 election.
As the only modern Liberal MP to gain a seat against Premier Andrews most recent red wave, Pesutto was held up as a glimmer of hope in a party that is very close to needing someone to turn them on and off at the wall.
Pesutto once again found himself back in Parliament, only to find the party had descended into full blown far-right IPA-fuelled conspiracy theorists.
Again, for Lord knows what reason, Pesutto then put his hand up to take over leadership from Matthew Guy after his second romping election loss against the man that locked up the entire state for 300 days.
In today’s party room meeting, Pesutto was made aware that the number one concern for his current Liberal Party colleagues is the long water condensation trails left behind commercial aeroplanes, known as contrails – or chemtrails – to crazy people.
The “Chemtrails” conspiracy theory holds that condensation trails are full of other chemicals that scientists and governments are seeding into the atmosphere. It might be biological warfare or population control or geoengineering or an attempt to manipulate the weather. Whatever it is, the Victorian Liberals have for an official inquiry into the phenomena.
Next on the agenda is incarcerating the Sudanese kids playing basketball in St Kilda, and finding out what REALLY HAPPENED to Dan Andrew’s vetebrae.
“For fuck’s sake” sighs Pesutto.
