INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer | Contact
Local corporate wanker, Jae (30) is on fire this afternoon.
His drinking buddies are pissing themselves – because Jase has gotten to that sweet spot where he’s had just enough to drink to let loose a little.
It takes quite a lot of booze for him to do that nowadays. Lucky he’s got a company card, and is actively encouraged to use alcohol as a social lubricant.
Today’s session went like this
The corporate funds manager left his desk at 11:15 this morning, which was perhaps about an hour too early for the lunch he had scheduled with likeminded big drinker clients – but he wanted to get a few sharpeners in at the pub next door to the restaurant with his younger colleague who had a mad story to tell about this chick he rooted last night after going to a nightclub until 5 in the morning on a Thursday. So Jase gets a couple of full strength Carltons under his belt before being joined by one of the most eager clients, they polish off two more schooners before making the trip next door. Jase arrives at the restaurant with 5 standard drinks under his belt. They sit down at 12:30 and order the banquet. Its a Chinese restaurant, so the first half of lunch is accompanied by a never-ending stream of Tsingtao lager stubbies. By about the time the sizzling dishes come out, he’s had three more beers. The conversation, which really could’ve all been covered over email because this line of work hasn’t really required monthly lunches for nearly a decade now due to advancements in 24-hour client-to-manager communication technology, is flowing smoothly. Jase recommends they move onto the red. Over the next hour and a half, six of them get to work on four bottles of grange. Suddenly, the best part of the day is over, but it’s too early to go home, plus it’s Friday arvo and their wives have grown used to them never making it home for dinner with the family at the back end of the week, so all six men agree to go to another pub down the road, where they might run into some other similarly well-refreshed industry contemporaries. They arrive and immediately move back to beers, which is an unorthodox decision, but it looks like that’s gonna be the fastest way to get a drink in their hands at a packed bar. This creates a competitive atmosphere amongst the other groups of drunk corporates and the glasses are emptying faster than they have all day.
Despite the fact that every single of one of them has consumed over 20 standard drinks before knock off yet means nothing, this is just the start. Text messages are being sent to certain people who can provide them with the stimulants required to continue this momentum.
The fact that nobody has had to spend their own money has only made this binge drinking session even more enjoyable, and the fact that it was done during work hours means none of them have a real problem. In fact, the only problem they might have is that Jase is now on fire with his controversial one-liners and humorous observations.
“Oi check out this junkie outside the pub haha” laughs Jase.
“She’s off her head.”
“What is it? Like 4pm?”
“Starting early luv?”
“Hahaha”
