LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A steaming pisshead is thankful for the hard work of a local DIY Dad this morning, after using a cute street swing as a convenient rest stop on his long walk home.
Stumbling down Hannant Street at approximately 2:13am this morning, it’s understood Betoota’s 3rd grade winger Miles Kennedy needed to lean on some local community infrastructure to catch a second wind.
“Ahhh, it’s good to sit down,” wheezed the ageing winger.
After playing a full day of cricket for the Betoota Dugongs and anchoring a Boat Race down at Betoota No. 2 Oval, it’s understood the big fella once again had a huge night at the club sponsored Railway Hotel, drowning himself with schooners of Bundy Draught on tap.
Rather than forking out $26 for the Taxi ride home, it’s believed the surge in sugar and Rum convinced Miles to attempt to walk the 3.4kms home to his share house in Betoota ponds.
After making significant headway into the 40 minute walk, witnesses say he struggled to fight off a stitch deep in his ribs.
Miles reportedly spotted salvation in the form of a cute curbside swing, outside the front fence of the McKellar’s house.
Shimmying his hips onto the 4-ply plank of wood, suspended by rustic chain, Miles was grateful to be given the opportunity to test out the structural integrity of a swing.
Speaking to the club legend, who’s famous for polishing off two pizzas at the Pub every Thursday after footy training, the he told our reporter he was glad to take a brief moment on the pine.
“I saw McKellars put this up the other week, oath I’m glad they did….”
“Thanks Christ for whichever episode of Better Homes and Gardens inspired him to knock this swing up, cos I was about to pass out on his lawn instead.”
