CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The Morrison Government’s re-election campaign has taken blow after blow this week, with voters making it clear they are not too impressed by the PM’s blatant refusal to outline any plans to fix aged care, the housing affordability crisis, or instate an Independent Federal ICAC.
With the polls stacked against him, and Murdoch’s relentless propaganda unable to brainwash voters into forgetting how shit the last couple of years have been for Australians, Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has had to ramp up his campaign.
Now is not the time to hide away. It’s time to get out there. Because what use is Scotty From Marketing without the marketing.
It’s time to get out there and meet these rare creatures known as Middle-Australians.
And the PM has taken to this new strategy with gusto, visiting pubs and footy clubs across New South Wales and talking to voters at the front bar.
It is not yet known how many Hahn Light shandies Scotty From Marketing would have put away on this new tour of the country, but one thing that is for certain – Australians are a bunch of fucking whingers.
While speaking to a local blue collar worker in a Goulburn hotel, Scotty was able to clarify his theory that the ABC has been brainwashing the Australian working class into becoming snowflake lefties.
“Yeah man… What are you gonna do about aged care” says local landscaper, Braith.
“I mean, I wanna vote for you, but fuck mate. It’s hard to forget how my nanna was treated”
The PM, a man not very familiar with pub banter, assumed the voter was taking the piss.
“Oh fuck here we go haha” said the PM.
The voter appeared shocked at his Prime Minister’s extremely inappropriate response, but continued his tragic yarn.
“Mate” he said, with tears welling.
“She was left to die like a dog. None of us knew what was going on. She had bed sores in the same dressing for weeks. She was eating powdered potatoe mash and canned pears for dinner. She didn’t leave her room for 6 months during the pandemic”
“I don’t blame the staff either mate. They are overwhelmed. There’s not enough resources. And that’s your job. And you need to fix it.”
“My nan is just one of thousands who have died too soon, at the hands of a cruel system that no one gives a fuck about”
The Prime Minister, still unsure whether or not this voter was making a masterfully dry joke, paused for a moment before he responded.
“… Fuck!” he giggled.
“You almost had me there!!! hehehe”
“I thought you were honestly having a go”
“I was like fuck not one of these leftie cunts again hahahaha!”
