CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
As Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing celebrates two years since his Federal election victory today, it seems that only now is Australia witnessing this career bureaucrat getting into the groove of things.
Known globally as the type of political leader who runs away when things get a bit too tough, Morrison has been unable to live down the fact that he decided to take a family holiday to Hawaii at the height of the 2019/20 Black Summer Bushfires.
This habit of avoiding tough conversations and late nights in the office became even more apparent this year when Parliament House was rocked by several rape scandals within the highest ranks of the Liberal Cabinet.
Again, Morrison went missing, while those at the centre of these horrible alleged crimes took mental health leave and waited for the footy season to start and drown out the news cycle.
However, things have changed today.
No longer is our Prime Minister the white boy in the university group assignment who puts his name down on the paper but contributes fuck all to the overall result.
This comes after a goofy little photoshoot up in Central Queensland resulted in the Prime Minister stumbling across a few magic beans in the glovebox of a Mack Truck.
While waiting for his team of eight tax-payer-funded photographers to find the right angle to best capture him hanging out the driver’s side window of tax-deductible road train, Scotty From Marketing began snooping around in the cabin.
It was in these ten minutes of alone time that the Prime Minister was given a rare insight into the life of blue collar workers.
Initially, he was confused as to why the owner of the truck would keep two seperate logbooks under his drivers seat – but he eventually gave up trying to make sense of all of this when he stumbled across the disgusting and sinful Penthouse magazines rolled up in the centre console.
It was at this moment he went looking for a Bible in the glovebox, which is where he imagines most other Australians keep their holy book, which they refer to when they accidentally expose themselves to pornography.
With no religious material insight, the PM decide to help himself to the saddie bag of breath mints.
“You beauty haha” he said.
“Score!”
Within minutes of the photoshoot, the PM was on the phone to his Foreign Minister demanding the global covid-numbers, before calling David Littleproud to discuss a plan of attack for the North-NSW mice plague.
At time of press, it is believed that Morrison was establishing an anti-sexual assault taskforce and was liasing with former Prime Ministers Malcolm Turnbull and Kevin Rudd over the need to break up the Murdoch family’s monopoly over Australian print and TV media.
It almost looks like our Prime Minister might even be able to start vaccinating elderly Australians in Federally operated aged care homes, as he shouts down the phone at his Health Minister in full view of his awestruck entourage of 27 different young men in RMs.
“I don’t care what it takes” he yells.
“GET IT DONE!!”
“WE HAVE AUSTRALIANS THAT NEED HELP, AND THAT HELP HAS TO COME FROM ME!!!!”
