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Prime Minister Scott Morrison and senior Liberals are openly encouraging Formula One driver Daniel Ricciardo to run as the party’s candidate in the Western Australian division of Pearce at next year’s federal election.
Western Australia’s most famous athlete since Benny Cousins has officially wrapped up his F1 duties for the year, after adding to his worst run of consecutive finishes since 2019 in Abu Dhabi yesterday.
This is thanks to a series of car issues, culminating with a disappointing P12 at the end of his first season as a McLaren driver.
The Italian Stallion appears to have taken the current slump in his stride, knowing full well that he is capable of overcoming the stagnating lows that Formula One drivers are forced to endure.
However, Scotty From Marketing and his team have been quietly sounding Ricciardo out for a tilt at federal politics, believing he could be the party’s best chance at holding onto the seat of Pearce in Perth’s outskirts, which is currently held by the outgoing Christian Porter, who has caused more reputational damage for the Liberal Party this year than the entire Vietnam war.
Despite the fact that he has literally done nothing but drink piss and drive race cars for his entire adult life, Liberals have been buoyed by polling published in Nine papers last month suggesting that the Monaco-based Daniel Ricciardo is more well liked than any of the lying four-eyed losers that would ever put their hand to become a Liberal Party candidate.
“I think this is a great opportunity, if Ricciardo wishes to run, but that’s up to him” The Prime Minister told reporters today, as he threw another dead cat on the table to avoid talking about the fact that Julian Assange is probably going to get tortured to death in Guantanamo Bay.
Throughout today’s media conferences, the Prime Minister sidestepped repeated questions about both Assange, Christian Porter, A Federal ICAC, the AUKUS treaty, and his woefully incompetent approach to trade negotiations with China – instead opting to say how good it would be if Ricciardo was a politician.
“That would be so cool!!!” said Scotty.
“You know me. I love cars. Especially fast ones!!!”
“I don’t even know if he wants to run as a candidate. But I heard he might want to.”
“Maybe you journalists should spend the next week talking about that. It’ll bring you heaps of clicks. I know that shit is like heroin to you people. You can’t help yourselves haha.”
“Okay let me make your job easier for you. DANIEL RICCIARDO might RUN AS THE LIBERAL PARTY CANDIDATE FOR PEARCE”
Daniel Ricciardo was approached for comment but said he has spent so much time living in Monaco that he doesn’t even know who the current Australian Prime Minister is, but he assumes that he is a wanker.
