CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
If having to cancel months worth of bookings wasn’t stressful enough, those employed in Australia’s wedding industry are expecting the very worst from the imminent wave of emails and phone calls related to the COVID-19 related cancellations.
The government’s social distancing recommendations remain firmly in place, including advice not to hand shake or hug – and to avoid indoor events over 100 people, and outdoor events of over 500 people.
For those in the wedding venue hire game, this includes up to 90% of their clientele over the next few months – who are now coming to terms with the fact that they might have to postpone, reschedule, or end it all.
Yesterday’s announcement that the major airlines have slashed domestic flights by 60% comes as devastating news for the hundreds of thousands of Australians who have decided to get married somewhere beautiful over the next few months – at wedding venues nowhere near where they live.
International flights have also been cut by 90% – and any recent arrivals must self-isolate for weeks at a time or face criminal prosecution – this means any ceremonies that relied on important overseas guests making up the bridal party should also be preparing to postpone.
In coastal wedding spots around the country, venue owners report hearing a rumbling of furious pre-historic monsters awakening.
The Mornington Peninsula has been identified as a ground zero for the carnage of bridezillas over the next few weeks.
Wedding venue owners and florists based in the Kangaroo Valley, Northern Rivers Hinterland, Blue Mountains and The Sunshine Coast have also reported hearing the menacing thuds of approaching bridezillas whose fairytales have been soured by this stupid fucking piece of shit pandemic.
Venue owners are being advised to utilise the government-provided de-escalation tactics when dealing with bridezillas, and try to avoid confrontation wherever possible when discussing refunds and rescheduling.
Failing that, it is advised to take the bridezillas on a taxi chase through a built up metropolitan area – with the aim of trapping the Bridezilla within the cables of a cross-city bridge, allowing Air Force jets to fire heat-seeking missiles at it.
MORE TO COME.
