CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
In new rules that are possibly 20 years too late, the NSW Government will now tell police to ignore the noise complaints of inner-city gentrifiers who think they are the main characters
Special entertainment precincts will be allegedly expanded in the NSW government’s second wave of “vibrancy reforms” to be introduced to parliament today.
This new approach to reviving nightlife appears to be an uncharacteristic disruption of the decades-long social cleansing aimed at sterilising Sydney’s suburbs to hysterically blow hot air into an unsustainable property bubble that has fucked entire generation of young families.
But now, people who buy homes near pubs and music venues in ‘some’ areas will soon find their noise complaints falling on deaf ears – because, you know, those areas are only culturally relevant because of the fucking live music that also attracts nice restaurants and cafes in the first place.
Buyers will now be unable to have their cake and eat it too, and cannot move into a vibrant areas without required acknowledging they are purchasing property in an entertainment zone.
Just one precinct has been established to date, on Enmore Road in Sydney’s inner west, but NSW Arts Minister John Graham wants more in an attempt revive the state’s ailing nightlife industry that has been smashed by a combination of pandemics health measures, over-policing, and prohibitively expensive liquor excises taxes.
Moving forward, Newtown police can now focus on attending domestic violence call-outs and the ever-growing number of gangland assassinations, rather than taking endless phone calls from Meredith and Graham who are upset that their BBC Murder Mysteries are being drowned out by an electric guitar somewhere in the neighbourhood.
From now on, these types of entitled property hawks will instead be given a teaspoon of cement mix, in hope that they will either harden the fuck up, or fuck off for good.
It is not yet known if the once glorious nightlife precinct of Kings Cross will ever be included in this plan, or if the state government will continue to bow to the downsizing boomers who like good coffee and art deco apartments within walking distance of St Vincent Hospital, just without the riff raff of homeless outreach programs and young people having fun.
