CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
If you believe our rapidly gear-changing Prime Minister on any issue related to the roll-out of vaccinations, then you’ll be happy to hear that Australia has secured another 20 million doses of the Pfizer coronavirus vaccine!
This comes as the federal government overhauls its original vaccination plans, which started as a promise of 5 million people immunised by the start of this month, and the whole country immunised by Octobor.
Last night Scotty From Marketing began a new strategy to manage expectations surrounding the bungled roll-out, by undermining public trust in the AstraZeneca jab, and in turn rendering the still-to-arrive 5 million doses as absolutely useless.
His newest dead cat to throw on the table was this morning’s announcement that his extremely competent and trustworthy government has apparently ordered tens of millions of Pfizer vaccinations.
The Pfizer jab is now the preferred jab for Australians under the age of 50, after the PM warned of a potential link between extremely rare blood clots and the AstraZeneca vaccine, in an effort to stop people from asking him where the fuck it is.
If this new batch of the ‘safer’ vaccine were to buck the trend by actually arriving, it would bring the nation’s eventual supply of doses up to 40 million – which will be more than enough for when our population booms by 40% in the next 24 months until these doses expire.
However, in a newer, more promisey press conference this afternoon – Morrison has gone one further.
“One. HUNDRED. MILLION. DOSES!” he declared with his pinky pointed towards his smirk this afternoon.
“I WILL BE SECURING 60 MILLION MORE DOSES ON WHAT I HAVE ALREADY PROMISED”
“WE CAN GET VACCINATED THREE TIMES OVER IF WE LIKE”
Morrison then went on to explain that while it’s been hard to secure the arrival of the promises AstraZeneca vaccinations on time, this time he’s cracking the whip.
“You know, I have one simple request.” he said.
“And that’s tens of millions of Pfizer vaccines, which is the safe vaccine, rememebr?”
“And I want them administered by a bunch of frontline workers with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads!”
