CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
“Please” begged Scotty From Marketing.
“Just…”
“On election day… Vote for the other woman. I don’t care if you don’t know her name, or any of her policies”
“It’d be a huge favour for me if you did”
One week in to his impromptu appearance on the Queensland Election circuit, and the Prime Minister is looking defeated.
He’s already announced plans to pull the plug and head back Sydney a week early, but before that, he’s trying to activate as many latent conservatives as possible – with not much measurable success.
His strategy of appearing in every marginal Queensland seat and being photographed drinking light beer and eating fast food appeared to work in the Federal Election, but it looks like it has barely touched the sides here on a state level.
And all the polling data and media bet-hedging points to Labor retaining power in Queensland on October 31st. Just like what happened in WA, Victoria and the ACT over the weekend.
For a marketing professional like Scotty Morrison, another red electoral map would infer that the Australian public are just itching to get rid of the Liberals and are starting to regret their decision in the 2019 Federal election.
And as he has proven throughout his time as Prime Minister, a bad look is far worse than a bad result.
When you pair this growing trend of State Labor landslides with the ongoing corruption inquiry into the actions of the NSW Liberal Premier, and the factional spot fires tearing apart the South Australian Liberal Government… Then it becomes clear that Scotty really needs this win at the end of the month.
“Look, I know you all don’t give a shit about the border closure” he says.
“Murdoch told me you did, he was wrong.”
“I now regret coming up here and trotting out that rhetoric”
“I know you are willing to put your hatred of cocky southerners like me over your hatred of whingeing lefties.”
“And I now realise that Annastacia Palaszczuk made the right call by banning southerners from coming up hear and spreading the Melbourne Virus”
Scotty From Marketing pauses before offering his last ditch election promise, on behalf of the nameless LNP leader that is yet to break through into the public consciousness.
“Just vote LNP and I’ll give you plenty of more opportunities to see cocky southerners suffering”
“If you vote out Labor this election, then I promise I will run it straight at Payne Haas, who my cultural advisors have informed me is quite the cult icon at the Brisbane Broncos”
“I will run it straight at him in the middle of Suncorp with no headgear”
“Surely that is enough to quench your desire to see me suffer”
MORE TO COME.
