CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
With NSW and the NT in full blown lockdown, and cases spreading throughout Victoria, WA and Queensland – the only signs of life we have seen from the Prime Minister is a photo of the back of his head in press shots from today’s ‘national cabinet meeting’.
Scotty From Marketing still has one week to go in quarantine, after a very self-indulgent trip to London that served no purpose other than giving him an opportunity to be photographed alongside Biden and Boris.
In the first 7 days of his post travel isolation, the PM has managed to lose his preferred Deputy Prime Minister Michael McCormack, and a handful of his remaining Cabinet Ministers who could be considered even remotely competent, to a National Party leadership spill initiated by the highly volatile Barnaby Joyce – who is currently the Acting PM while Australia descends back into a pandemic triggered by quarantine leaks.
Residents in the states and territories currently exposed to community transmission are being urged to get their jabs as quick as possible, despite the fact that no one knows how or where to do that because there isn’t any information being offered to the public because the state governments have not been supplied with enough doses.
This is because Scotty spent all of last year starting a trade war with China and trying to breathe air back into the fossil fuels sector in an effort to impress Donald Trump in the dying days of his presidency.
The fact of the matter is, there aren’t enough jabs to go around, because Scotty put all our eggs in the AZ basket – because it was made by Oxford – that glorious British University that Tony Abbott, Alan Jones and Angus Taylor went to.
However, the after it took several months longer than expected to arrive, Scotty had to slow down the program and ditched ‘roll-out targets’ in favour for ‘roll-out horizons’ – by drumming up medical skepticism surrounding the jab he’d just ordered 40 million doses of because it was proven to cause blood clots in 1 in 2 million people it was administered to. A rate just less than the likelihood of suffering a blood clot during international air travel.
Now, with the baby boomers refusing to roll the dice on his shitty AZ jab, it looks like he’ll be offloading the entire order to Papua New Guiness and will wait another few months for a more trustworthy jab to arrive.
Until then he’s just going to keep forcing our states to warehouse overseas arrivals in inner-city luxury hotels with shared air vents, as he continues refusing to wear the responsiblity of building federal quarantine facilities.
It’s for all of these reasons, that Scotty From Marketing’s office has today confirmed that we won’t be hearing from him until there’s some good news to spin – like perhaps an Australian gold medal in Tokyo.
As for that whole review into the treatment of women in Parliament House that was triggered by the alleged rape of one his own staffers in a Cabinet Minister’s office – he’s handed that gruelling task over to his Acting Prime Minister, Barnaby Joyce
