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Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has lauded the “heroics” of outgoing NSW premier Gladys Berejiklian who has resigned after an Independent Commission Against Corruption (ICAC) investigation into her was announced yesterday.
Scotty, as squeaky clean man who insists a similar corruption watchdog is not needed at a Federal level, has today come out in praise of the woman he has spent his entire Prime Ministership undermining and scapegoating.
“Gladys is a dear friend of mine. We’ve known each other for a long time,” Morrison told reporters in Canberra.
“She has displayed heroic qualities, heroic qualities as the premier of New South Wales.”
He said she had been trusted and respected by the people of her state.
“But of course, no one is more grateful than me”
Scotty then smiled as he began to rattle off all the times Gladys saved his arse, and protected him from the kind of accountability she is now facing in her resignation.
“I mean I often think about the time she filled in for me when I decided to turn my phone off and go on a holiday to Hawaii in the middle of the worst bushfires in Australian history” he said.
“She and that baldy-headed disaster expert Fitzgibbons or Fitzsimons or whatever his name is… They really held the fort.”
“I made it clear that I don’t hold a hose and that this was a state issue, so she wore the flak for that too”
“Or who could forget the time I was too busy starting a trade war with China to answer the phone from Pfizer, and pushed out jab roll-out back 6 months, forcing her entire state into 15 weeks lockdown”
“She grinned a bared it as I constantly moved the goal posts and sent the army in whenever I needed to look like I was doing something. People didn’t know the army could fight bushfires or police lockdowns in Western Sydney before that haha”
Scotty’s eyes welled up as he finished his glowing praise for the outgoing NSW Premier, who insists was not a bad politician for a woman.
“She’s a real trooper. She just copped it, every time I had my staff backgrounding her team and leaking information to Murdoch journalists before she was across it”
“I doubt whoever replaces her will ever take that much shit protecting me”
