CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
After being criticised by the Australian Press Gallery for not ‘doing things’ that they can take awkward photos of present out of context, Opposition Leader Bill Shorten has today upped the ante on his election campaign.
This comes as Morrison’s odds off winning the election shortened from $5.00 to $2.50 over the Easter/ANZAC Day long weekend.
Political analysts put down Morrison’s mid-campaign surged in popularity to his exhausting Good Friday media circus, that saw him attend church, the Easter Show and a Cronulla Sharks match all in the same day, while dressed in his Sharkies hat, cargo trousers and sandshoes.
This has resulted in the ALP camp allowing their socially lacking leader out of the broom cupboard he’s been locked in since the August lib-spill.
Shorten’s media team have been quick to rectify his campaign shortcomings, but upping the average-bloke-o-metre to the Bunnings-BBQ-Dad setting – a level of full blown normalness not seen in Australian politicians since Ricky Muir wrangled three years in the senate.
“MAAAAATTEEEEE” shouted Bill Shorten, during a surprise press opp today today, at a vague community event in some shit hole suburban sprawl shopping arcade.
“Alright I’m up!” said Bradbury Bill, as he marched towards the novelty dunk machine, that his campaign staff had brought with them.
“Hahaha how good!” he said while chewing through a schooner of VB.
However, Shorten’s attempts to bloke it up to a level he was obviously not comfortable with soon backfired on his media team – as the career politician struggled to decipher the difference between banter and full blown abuse.
“Haha, now don’t miss the target” Shorten shouted at a local kid who had volunteered to throw a foam ball at the dunk machine target.
“Haha. Come on mate. Pressure is on, you fucking cunt!”
Six of his staffers immediately rushed to the scene to remind Bill that his language was inappropriate for children, and to tone it down.
Several ALP fixers were also dispatched to discreetly pay off the parents of the child.
At time of press, it is believed that Shorten has been eating fast-food for approximately 12 hours, in an attempt to get as many photos with dagwood dogs and pies as possible.
