CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
As the incoming Prime Bradbury of Australia prepares for his final campaign trail as lead of the opposition, he’s taken it upon himself to manage the expectations of his core supporter base.
As The Coalition Government’s Nightwatchman continues to get very little leather on willow in fleeting light, Shorten is well aware it is almost a certainty that he will inherit a economic downturn, as well as a generally skeptical Australian public.
So, to make sure no one is expecting him to deliver unrealistic improvements on their current lot in life, The Prime Bradbury has today made a concerted effort to casually bring up the imminent automation of half the Australian workforce with the people who will be the hardest hit, who are coincidentally one of his most sured up voter bloc. For the time being.
The Construction, Forestry, Maritime, Mining and Energy Union, more commonly known as the CFMEU, or the CFMMEU to jaded wharfies, is one of the most powerful labor movements in Australia – and the most likely to cause the most headaches for A Prime Minister Shorten, who is already pretending he’s not really that into coal.
But, as Shorten knows very well, the environment vs jobs tug-o-war is far from the biggest roo in his headlights.
Which is why he has organised a historic sit down today, between the CFMEU bosses and the biggest threat to their members since the black lung.
“Boysss” Shorten says to the reps, attempting to ease into his devastating announcement by bloking it up a bit.
“The ladsss” he doubles down, while jogging towards them in an exaggerated manner reminiscent of a footy player warm-down.
“Ok don’t chew my head off just yet, but I wanna create an open dialogue here between you guys and the robots…”
The incoming Prime Bradbury then walked his staunch activists over to a brand spanking fleet of “Jackal Valltrades” – the newest line of multi-purpose industrial robots.
“Greetings!” the 25 robots all say in unison the terrified bosses.
“We look forward to causing Australia’s unemployment rate to spike by 2.5 per cent and add to growing inequality”
Shorten began to theatrically chuckle like someone who is desperately trying to get two seperate groups of mates to gel together.
“How good!” he says.
“They were built by some mates in the tech-start-up scene. Big supporters of the party. Hoping you guys can work well together.
“Anyway I’m off to the Pratts for some lunch and Cristal. Got a few ends to tie up before I’m in the Ministerial wing. Haha”
At time of press the CFMEU bosses were seen asking the robots if they even knew how to hang a fucken door.
