CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
New developments have today been made in identifying the source of the coronavirus outbreak, according to the researchers at Betoota University of Disease Development and Outbreak Dissection (BUDDOO).
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While there have been no deaths from the coronavirus reported outside China, medical researchers today are questioning if the index case even originated in Eastern Asia.
Thailand and Hong Kong have each reported eight cases of infection; the United States, Taiwan, Australia and Macau have five each; Singapore, Japan, South Korea and Malaysia each have reported four; France has three; Canada and Vietnam have two; and Nepal, Cambodia and Germany each have one.
Majority of non-Chinese citizens who have been diagnosed are either living or visiting mainland China, however many cases have travelled borders via commercial airline flights.
However, one new finding by BUDDOO researchers has found the coronavirus may have originated in a Southern Californian car-boosting gang.
A racially ambiguous 49-year-old by the name of Dominic Toretto has been identified as the potential patient zero for the superbug.
He is believed to have travelled the entire globe several times over the last two decades, all the while carrying the first recorded case of the coronavirus. Possibly contracted via overnight parts from Japan.
Researchers say that this bacterial infection has not yet killed Toretto because of his notably high pain threshold and an immune system that has seen him survive multiple high-speed car and plane accidents.
Toretto is also known for pressuring undercover cops and anyone else that he considers ‘family’ into contracting the coronavirus during backyard cook-ups, because he is of the belief that the key maintaining loyalty in the midst of chaos and extreme violence is to share meals and prayers with one another.
It is believed that the coronavirus has in no way hindered Toretto’s exploits in the world of illegal street racing and DVD theft – which eventually turned into a spree of global black ops heists through his crew’s rather clunky transition into a new level of international criminality.
It is not known when he was last in China, but may have had something to do with a recent high-tech robbery that saw a 20 tonne bank vault dragged for ten kilometres through the streets of inner-city Wuhan behind several Ford GT40s.
Sources close to Dominic Torreto say that while he has a hardened and gruff exterior, this diagnosis marks the first time he has truly been scared – except for when he sees his late father’s 1970 Dodge Charger in the garage.
The Betoota University scientists say they are increasingly worried that this virus is now spreading a quarter mile at a time.
