CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A recent report by the nation’s carefree early 20-somethings currently excreting vodka alco-pops through their pores, is that a weekend-long party actually leaves you feeling exactly the same as someone who caught a mild dose of COVID-19 on the train.
As has been the case since the start of the Coronavirus pandemic, Monday has once again seen a spike in COVID-19 tests across Australia, as young people decide it’s better to be safe than sorry for killing their elderly neighbour.
Local bender queen, Jessie Myer (23) says that she wouldn’t really be too worried to about her current health ailments – if it weren’t for the fact
“This time last year, if I was suffering through a bout of dry coughs on a Monday morning – I’d usually attribute it to the half a deck of social ciggies I ploughed on my friend’s balcony over the previous 24 hours” she says.
“And the consistent headache and nose sniffles… I would probably just link them to my consumption of thirteen Double Blacks and a couple nose beers”
However, with Victoria experiencing it’s highest numbers yet after three weeks of lockdown – Jessie and the girls are loading up the canary Hyundai Getz and rolling into the South Betoota Drive-Thru swabs.
“Even the cold sweats and lack of taste in my mouth and nose can be explained. But I might leave it to the doctors hey”
“Plus. I don’t want to be on the news as a superspreader who thought my feverish temperature was just the MDMA trying to escape my body”
“Probably doesn’t help that I kissed about three blokes at three seperate ‘dinner parties’ between Friday and today”
“These are all red flags when we are talking about a second wave”
At time of press, Jessie was in the midst of a mandatory 24 hour isolation until she receives her results via text message – which, as a 23-year-old who seems to have access to an endless stash of sick days, is usually what happens during a comedown anyway.
