CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A West Carindale man has today felt blood rushing to the tip of his phallus, as he immerses himself in the adventures of Burke and Wills, as told by his favourite ex-Wallaby.
Not even five days since Christmas, Greg Petrie (58) has almost finished this new chapter of Australian history, and can’t help but relay everything he has learnt about the Australian exploration expedition in 1860–61 led by Robert O’Hara Burke and William John Wills of 19 men with the objective of crossing Australia from Melbourne in the south, to the Gulf of Carpentaria in the north, a distance of around 3,250 kilometres in harsh Outback terrain not yet chartered by non-Indigenous people.
Like many patriotic sports-obsessed Australian men born between 1945 and 1980, Greg holds a particular soft spot for Australian writer and former rugby international, Peter FitzSimons, as the great all-rounder of Australian media is yet to let him down with his euphoric Aussie history-porn.
“It says here they took camels with them” he says, as his penis grows firmer.
“Makes sense really, considering the landscape of the Simpson desert, not really a place you’d want to take horses”
While the physiological phenomenon currently taking place in his pants is not strictly related with sexual arousal, for Greg and many other suburban dads around Australia could argue that the idea of spending an afternoon reading about great Aussie triumphs might even be better than actual sex.
The semi-retired outdoor poster and printing retailer appears unaware that this book was purchased by his daughter in an airport newsagent less than five hours before he unwrapped it on Christmas Day – just like the last five FitzSimons books he read about Tobruk, Kokoda, Eureka, Ned Kelly and Gallipoli respectively.
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