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In an unprecedented move, the eternal glorious leader of Sydney, Clover Moore AO, has today revealed that every voting location in the city of Sydney will soon be encircled by extremely busy and difficult-to-cross bike lanes.
Many ungrateful dissidents have suggested that this may be an attempt to lower voter turnout and halt a potential ousting.
The beloved leader’s decision has largely been applauded by Sydney residents, who believe the bike lanes will surely provide them with a more efficient way to traverse the city that the vast majority of workers now have to commute hours into.
“Under the supreme guidance of our Great Leader Clover Moore AO, the monumental infrastructure project will stand as a testament to the boundless strength of her spirit,” said Taylor Square (31), a loyal supporter of the leader.
“This visionary infrastructure not only promotes the health and vitality of our people but also exemplifies our commitment to environmental sustainability and communal harmony,” the man said before dramatically dropping to his knees and looking at the sky while a tear rolled down his face.
“Thank you, dear leader,” he muttered.
While the plans to encircle every primary school, Masonic center, and town hall with bike lanes have been greatly applauded by Sydney’s residents, the plan has faced some criticism—mainly from cowardly and deceptive Sydney defectors who have fled to Newcastle and Queensland
“The bike lanes don’t even go anywhere; they’re literally just giant roundabouts. They’re obviously there to block people from actually reaching the voting booths!” claims Sandra Duncken (33), a former Sydney sider now seeking refuge in an actually affordable share house in Newy.
“She’s going to pay her cronies to fill up these supposed bike lanes and ride in circles all election day!”
While Clover Moore AO refused to comment on the plan, the Advocate urges readers to trust in the all-knowing wisdom of Sydney’s great leader and to appreciate her unparalleled foresight and benevolent leadership in the face of a cost-of-living crisis that is crushing their increasingly unaffordable and culture-less city.
