CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
An easily impressionable yet staunchly self-assured white boy has today learnt that there’s always a bigger fish in the pond.
After causing months of panic and concern for his parents, Betoota Grove teenager Jack Ogilby (16) has officially graduated from edgelord to full blown TikTok philosopher.
His poorly articulated views of ‘traditional’ gender roles, and the unflinching global oppression of straight males has officially become too much for his old man – who just wishes his son would worship footballers like a real Queensland man.
But he’s not sporty enough to appreciate the art of contact ball sports, and he’s not bright enough to appreciate the unparalleled genius of Tame Impala.
Instead, his boyhood hero appears to be a balding middle aged man who does nothing but tell everyone else how to live, in a weird accent.
Jack’s adoration of the controversial TikTok celebrity Andrew Tate, has caused countless sleepless nights for his mother – who worries constantly that her son actually believes the only cure to mental illness is to become an entrepreneur.
With rational discussions now out the window, and Jack far too old to have his phone taken off him – the family found themselves completely lost. How do you tell a teenage boy that the real world isn’t anything like the ‘matrix’.
That was until Tuesday night dinner with Uncle Richie.
As a heavy-drinking boat builder whose teenage years were spent buried in books written by grown men with real life experience outside of low-tier European MMA and reality TV, Uncle Richie is taking cricket bats to some of the bizarre things coming out of poor nephew’s mouth.
“Why the fuck do you keep talking about Romania?” Uncle Richie asks Jack.
“That place a shit hole. Do you know how quickly you’d have your kidneys taken off you in Eastern Europe?”
As man raised on the philosophy of a much more learned British-American cultural commentator named Christopher Hitchens, Richie seems to be the only man willing to go toe-to-toe with his brainwashed nephew.
A career that spanned of 30 books, Christopher Hitchens is remembered as one of the great philosophical contrarians from a time before social media algorithms dictated who is and isn’t ‘speaking truth’.
“What’s all this Christian society shit. Do you know how hard your aunts and I worked to make sure you kids didn’t have to go to mass every Sunday with gran. It’s fucking boring. Especially when you’re hungover”
Throughout the course of the evening, Richie meticulously scorches the earth surrounding Jack, offering a counter opinion and historical parallel to every comment he makes about the global victimisation of men, and the morally bankrupt Western Society controlled by a woke elite.
“You know you’re mum still washes your sheets right?”
“Like, you get driven to school. By your mum. Before she goes to work. Every morning”
“I think you need to just settle down. Punch a few bongs and watch some Bill Hicks young fella”
“It’s just a ride”
