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With the remaining women in the Liberal Party gradually announcing their resignations one by one, the lower-order leader of the Federal Government has had to act swiftly to salvage support from Australia’s notoriously swing-happy female voters in the suburbs.
This follows this mornings news that saw The Prime Nightwatchman of Australia quash all fears that the female members of the Liberal Party are ‘unhappy’ by telling reporters this morning in Sydney that they’ve told him everything is ‘fine’.
But are things fine with the rest of Australia’s mums, sisters and daughters? – recent polling would suggest not, given the least charming man in Federal Politics, Bill Shorten, is starting to gain on the Prime Minister as the preferred leader for females – despite the leader of the opposition’s well-documented Barnaby-style baggage.
To combat this inconvenient dip in support from Australia’s fairer sex, The Nightwatchman has made a bold decision to show the world just how capable he is of understanding the wants, needs and aspirations of women in this country.
Starting with an edgy tramp stamp on his pale husky back, the Morrison Government has come steaming into the election campaign with an honest nod to the ordinary women around Australia.
The “Tramp Stamp” is an arguably derogatory term referring to a tattoo which Australian women commonly have inked on their lower backs. It is especially popular among women born in the late 70’s, 80‘s, and even early 90’s.
For the most part, this style of tattoo signifies a freedom from the societal norms and the uniformed life of the Australian middle class. A portal out of the mundane, and a badge of honour that shows off both a wild side and independence.
“Ladies, I am just like you” posted Morrison in the caption of his most recent photo social media, where he debuted the recently inked tattoo.
The new body art shows a mid-1990s faux-tribal-flame-style crest emblazoned with the Beyonce-inspired motto ‘Slay Queen’.
“To all the women, who independent. This ones for you”
With the resignation of his party’s most popular female member, Julie Bishop MP, last fortnight – The Nightwatchman feels his most recent tatt will mend the coalition government’s strained relationship with female voters.
“I’m thinking of getting another” he said to reporters this morning.
“Maybe like a bird or a butterfly on my wrist.. Dunno yet. I’ve seen a few designs on Instagram that I really like”
This tattoo isn’t the first time The Nightwatchman has directly referenced American pop superstar Beyoncè Knowles in his effort to win over females both inside and outside his party.
Just last month it was reported that he had listened to Bey’s entire discography, including the Destiny’s Child albums, in an concerted effort to understand why Julia Banks MP has resigned from his party, even after he bought her a brand new ironing board in an attempt to keep the peace.
Speaking to an all-male group of reporters after the press conference, Morrison delicately explained how he needs to tip toe around this stuff.
“Haha. Women. Can’t live with em… Can’t live without em” he was heard saying to some blokey mates from Sky News.
