CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Self-confessed Lady Gaga ‘stans’ and conservative Liberal MPs, Tony Abbott and Craig Kelly, have today released a joint statement to the media which outlines their shared position on the Oscar-favourite romance-drama ‘A Star Is Born’.
“It’s not bad hey” says Craig Kelly, as he and the former Prime Minister spoke to the media outside of the Manuka Capitol Cinema Gold Class entrance.
“Really good to see Gaga take a risk. I reckon she nailed it”
Abbott says he agrees with Kelly’s comments wholeheartedly.
“Definitely. I was a bit worried she was going to go full Madonna or Mariah. But she was spectacular.”
“To think she’s had those on-screen skills all these years and has been hiding them behind these sunnies”
Abbott then pointed to his Lady Gaga Versace shades that he had worn to the screening in half-serious cosplay.
“Took em from my daughter!”
Both men briefly giggled before Craig Kelly pointed to his 5XL ARTPOP merchandise that he picked up after her 2013 tour.
“Still fits like a glove hahaha”
When asked what they planned to do with the rest of their evening away from their families and the pressures of upholding conservative pre-war Australian family values in Parliament house, Abbott shrugged.
“Dunno” he said.
“What do people overpaid white men do for fun at our age? Apart from picking on migrants and homosexuals”
He turned to Craig Kelly MP, who looked equally as lost for answers.
“We could create anonymous Twitter accounts and call Clementine Ford a whore?”
After discovering that they had both forgotten to charge their phones, the two stalwarts of the far-right faction of the Australian Liberal Party decided to get some gelato instead.
“Fuck that was a good flick” said Abbott as they wandered off into the crisp Canberra evening.
