CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
With six hours to go until the main event boxing match between Jeff Horn (20-2-1) and Tim Tszyu (15-0-0) takes place in Townsville Stadium, and the local council is beginning to grow concerned about the hundreds of undercards that may take place in the pubs and streets of the city’s nightlife precinct.
While Horn vs Tszyu hs been billed as the biggest domestic boxing bout of the year, the chances of a knock-out finish are less likely inside Queensland Country Bank Stadium tonight.
Townsville mayor, Councillor Jenny Hill has had to act quickly this afternoon, after reports of local riff raff began to make their way to her office.
With half the town on Jobkeeper and Jobseeker, and very few calendar events scheduled in the Deep North due to COVID-19, it has become very clear to local police and council that tonight could very well pop off.
“We’ve heard reports of AJs starting pre-drinks just after lunch” said a spokesperson for the Queensland Police, referring to army personnel who have taken day leave for tonight’s match.
“Every pub is packed with armchair boxing experts and it looks like a tinderbox of testosterone and sugarcane champagne [Bundaberg Rum]”
“Even more so than usual. Which is obviously a concern”
Every boxing gym north of Airlie Beach has been notified of a desperate need for volunteer boxing referees to patrol The Strand this evening, as the amount of punch-ons predicted to take place on the pebbles look to be too much for even the local cops.
“Obviously we can’t stop every blue that pops off” says Mayor Jenny Hill.
“So, all we can do is ensure they are clean fights. I’ve gotten every boxing referee from the Deep North to monitor these scraps and intervene when things escalate from a dip to a melee”
“One of one. Nothing from behind. And of course, we don’t want anyone dropping in the slipper when someone goes down”
At time of press, The Betoota Advocate witnessed a group of volunteer boxing referees standing hand-in-hand in a prayer circle outside the Seaview Hotel in Townsville’s infamous nightlife precinct.
“Lord, we ask for your strength guidance in the next 12 hours” said one elderly North Queensland boxing referee.
“6 hours on the dark and stormys is enough to send any man mad”
“Let alone a whole town”
“Lord please ensure these men stop punching when we say he’s had enough”
“And please make sure the big fellas land on a hedge or a patch of grass when they go down”
“In your name, Amen”
