CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Former Prime Minister, Uncle Tony Abbott has today decided to sack himself from the role of Special Envoy to Indigenous Affairs, citing he’s sick of being told what to do by white men like himself.
“After Saturday night’s result… I had to take a good hard look in the mirror” Uncle Tony told our reporters over an enamel cup of tea and some Kingstons on his front porch this morning.
“…And all I saw was two hundred years of suffering for my people”
“The white man in the mirror took our land, our children, and our culture”
Prime Minister Scott Morrison did not ask Mr Abbott to be a minister in his new Government, but instead asked him to take on the role of envoy, citing his close association with Aboriginal Australia after growing up in a six bedroom mansion in Sydney’s Northern Beaches and working for the Liberal Party for nearly three decades.
Even after suffering a humiliating loss to Zali Steggall in the 2019 Federal Election, rumours were swirling that Uncle Tony might be kept on in his role of Special Envoy – after it became painfully obvious to Scott Morrison that his predecessor is absolutely unemployable outside of politics.
However, Uncle Tony’s resignation today spells one less issue for Morrison – especially after the outgoing member for Warringah’s announcement that he will be looking for work as a lecturer at Sydney Uni – a job that will contractually oblige him to keep his own politically views to himself.
“It was either let him remain in the role as an unelected public servant, or send him over to Washington to hang out with Trump as our consulate” said Morrison.
“The last thing we need is him taking a job on Sky with Peta… He’s actually likely to cause more damage to the party outside of parliament than in”
