CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
As the bitterness of Melbourne’s winter continues unseasonably into late September, it seems the city’s morale has also remained just as sour.
This has not been helped by the fact that not one Victorian team will be featuring in this weekend’s AFLM Grand Final. In fact, there was not one Melbourne team in sight for the final two weeks of the AFLM season.
What’s worse is the two teams that are featuring in the AFLM 2024 Grand Final are from the game’s two least historically relevant cities
However, with Sydney and Brisbane racking up more premierships and finals appearances in the last decade than the vast majority of AFLM clubs in Melbourne – it can be safely said that Queensland and New South Wales have become the true Aussie Rules heartland.
And Melbourne, the city that invented this great game, is nothing more than a distant memory that now fades on the wall of the new ‘Aussie Rules Football Museum’ in the Aussie Rules-mad city of Toowoomba.
This underwhelming Victorian athleticism, paired with the miserable Melbourne weather, has dampened the spirits of those who reside in the AFLM’s least competitive city.
Eventually something has gotta give.
No matter how much everyone now pretends they aren’t that fussed about this year’s AFLM results, they still do care. Because being ‘Australia’s Most European City’ doesn’t count for much if you aren’t also ‘The Sporting Capital’
What does it mean to be Australia’s most European city if you don’t have a stadium full of screaming locals? The only thing European about Melbourne in 2024 is that the sun doesn’t set well into the evening during Summer and all the locals are terrified of Africans.
It’s for this reason, AFLM fans demanding that the game start showing them concessions. A handicap, if you will.
“We deserve it” says Brunswick florist, Boo Goodesy (44).
“Nobody ever said thank you for our selflessness during the pandemic”
“Did you know we did 300 days of lockdown. One of the longest in the world. And we did it for the rest of the country. And the quality of football coming out of our AFL(M) Clubs and elite private schools has suffered because of it. So has our nightlife and labour force. That’s why we deserve to make the finals automatically. It would be a good way for Australia to show their gratitude for the sacrific…”
The transcript of this interview ends here, because our reporter fell asleep listening to a Victorian whinge about something that happened four years ago.
GO THE LIONS!!!
Or SWANS!!.
Who cares.
