CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A 28-year-old Australian bloke has today dismissed the seriousness of the 2020 Presidential Election, by declaring the result will have no effect on Australians.
Kyal Mercurio, a pool installation professional from Betoota Heights, says any Australians that pretend to have any skin in the game are just hysterical snowflakes, because who gives a fuck about America, it’s got nuffin to do with us.
This hot take comes as a surprise, considering how much the suburban small business owner has spent reading up on American politics ever since he started listening to Joe Rogan.
However, even as uninterested as Kyal is pretending to be in the result today. Friends say he has changed his tune dramatically since the last US Presidential election in 2016.
While still refusing to pick a side, his opinion four years ago was that “they are both as bad as each other” – However, after 250,000 Americans buried from Coronavirus and violent political unrest across the country – Kyal is no longer that confident in saying that Hillary would have been just as bad for America as Trump.
Kyal’s switcheroo from political fence-sitter to nihilistic millennial, seems to negate the fact that if America continues down it’s path of diplomatic bear-poking, then he would be one of the first in line to get bayoneted by the Chinese.
As a former athlete with four limbs that work, Kyal is still well and truly young enough to be considered for mandatory military enlistment.
“Whatever happens today doesn’t mean shit to Australians” he says.
“It has no affect on us whatsoever”
“Who gives a fuck about America”
Kyal’s comments seem to contradict the terrified posts currently plastered across Facebook by his uncle Pete, a two-tour veteran of the Vietnam war who still only sleeps a couple hours each night because he had to cough when America sneezed.
MORE TO COME.
