LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Everyone loves a good old swim at the beach, paddling round in the surf, diving beneath the roll of the waves, and casually trying to make sure you don’t look like you’re doing a wee.
However, the feeling of anything that isn’t wet sand or saltwater touching your feet is enough to remind you that you are in the literal fucking ocean with all of it’s billions of armored, venemous, and attenae having lifeforms.
Not to freak you out or anything but here are six freaky, horrible, horrific, and gross things that are probably touching your feet in the surf.
A Freaky Sea Worm
You’ve seen the videos. These things can burrow right into the bottom of your precious little foot if it wants to. Who knows, maybe it wants to. Sponebob didn’t prepare you for this did it snowflake?
A Jabby Little Cone Shell
This was much cuter on nana’s shelf wasn’t it? It was probably just a rock that your foot bumped into but it’s also extremely likely you just escaped with your life after a close cone shell encounter!
A Serious Stingray
Easily the nation’s least favourite fish since 2006, these moody little fuckers can sink beneath the sand and to step on them feels like stepping on a mouldy spunge left in a wet shed sink since the Menzies era.
The Awakened Stone Fish
Fool! You’ve awakened the stone fish! Its spines are gonna go right through your foot you dummy! You should have never fucked with the ocean!
Seaweed
Yuck! It’s been in the sea!
A Band Aid
Maybe not as life threatening as the others, but try not to imagine some other gronks blood speckled band aid floating towards your delicate human toes and wrapping itself around them with the grabbing hands of a newborn.
