ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Police in South Betoota has confirmed that a small needle was discovered inside a yellow button squash today, reigniting fears of a serial offender in the local area.
However, detectives from the Food Vandalism Command have been able to date the pin as being from late March.
“That means it’s been in the squash undetected for close to 6 months,” said Detective Inspector Douglas Larson.
“As it turns out, the serial pin sticker the nation has been hunting for the past few weeks might’ve first chosen to cripple the yellow button squash industry first before turning their sights toward strawberries,”
“The button squash industry is worth around $60 to the national economy each year and the run on effects could’ve been catastrophic. I can, at this time, confirm with a reasonable amount of confidence that this was probably the only button squash stuck with a pin so feel free to go ham on them if you’re reading this. Cheers.”
As the crime happened such a long time ago, police have said they have no leads and are asking members of the public to come forward with any information.
South Betoota Police have offered a relatively fresh packet of John Player Special Reds as a reward for any information leading to the arrest of the yellow button squash needle bandit.
More to come.
