ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Despite warnings that the Takata airbags in their 2009 Honda Odessey could go off at any time and send deadly shrapnel through their brain, headrest and roof, a breeding pair of local anti-vaxxers have revealed that ‘they’re not too concerned’.
In fact, they’re more concerned about exposing their soon-to-be-born child to deadly vaccines which they say have been proven to cause a smorgasbord of potential health problems such as autism and sterility.
“The risk of our airbag killing us is almost zero,” said French Quarter resident, Banjo Clemente.
“Yeah. We’ve done our research on the airbag industry so we know the truth. The truth is that the Takata airbag recall is just a false flag for the government to put vaccines into your air conditioning.”
His life and spiritual partner, Bucket-Bong Reindeer, nodded and clicked her fingers as the 27-year-old Banjo punctuated each truth bomb by slamming his index finger down into the opposite hand’s palm.
However, our reporter spoke to a largely incompetent sales executive at South Betoota’s second-largest Honda dealership who said the complete opposite.
Larry Boink, who shot to local fame in 2006 for throwing rocks from the Stanley Street footbridge at passing vehicles, said that the airbags in Clemente’s Honda Odessey ‘pose a huge risk to life and limb’ and need to be replaced as soon as possible.
“It’s basically like driving around with a claymore strapped to the steering wheel, one little accident and everything that’s inside your skull will be on the outside and your organs will be well on their way to being in some half-fucked old white dog,”
“In terms of not vaccinating your kids, this is way more dangerous. That’s not without saying that not vaccinating your kids is safe because it’s not and it constitutes child abuse,”
“But I don’t make the rules, I just sell Hondas, play FIFA and smoke enough cones to make this planet seem habitable. See you all in hell.”
More to come.
